Wednesday, September 25, 2013
The past few days have been a little tough for me because around this time would have been Amelia Lane's actual birth. My medical team had said that Amelia would have been here about 1 to 2 weeks early. I would have had a C-Section with her because I had one with Ethan Charles.
I try to keep my mind busy by baking and occasionally cooking meals here at home. When I wake up in the morning, all I want to really do is cry. I'm sad, my heart breaks. I want to feel happy again, like before, before all this happened, before I was pregnant with her. Happy again. I don't know if I'll get there. You may see me laugh, engage in conversation with others but I'm falling apart most of the time. I've just learned to conceal all of that and keep it to myself. There are only a few people that can see the real me specially during these times. They are the ones that allow myself to feel what I'm feeling and they don't say a whole lot. They just know. I get emotional quite a bit as well.
FYI~To those who know who Aaron and I are, if you are our friends, FB friends, family, you obviously know what has happened to us in the past 45 days. When we see you, a hello how are you is great. We would prefer not to discuss our painful experiences with you at this time because it's sad and we don't really want to re-hash it anymore. There will be a time and place where I will be comfortable talking about it but for now, it's really not my cup of tea at the moment. I hope you all can respect that.
Thank you!
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